Hi, Allison! The moment I read the title of your storybook, I knew I would love it (huge Star Trek fan, here)!
Your introduction is very well-written, and it drew me in immediately. The pacing and the prose really adds dimension to the story and kept me wanting more. I’m really impressed by how so much is told with so few words, especially with the characters. Even though not much is revealed about them, the reader is able to get a glimpse of what Captain Willoughby and Milo’s personalities are in the way they talk and in the way other characters interact with them.
The layout of your site is perfect for the theme of your storybook. The font and colors work great to add to the tone and futuristic elements. The images you used are also very beautiful and add to the otherworldly atmosphere of the storybook. I’m really looking forward to seeing what other images you’ll use.
I immediately looked at the picture before reading. I love those kinds of images - very beautiful! The picture itself sets up the scene before even reading a word. That kind of image really gets the reader's mind going and put into a certain mindset of excitement and adventure.
And wow, your Introduction did not disappoint! Seriously, I would not change a thing. You give a clear, concise, and interesting background. You give characters that are useful in giving a frame of reference but aren't so important that we have to be involved with them. I appreciate that you clearly lay out what the ship does, how it works, why it is the way that it is. Often times in Sci-Fi works, it can be difficult to follow if you're not familiar with the already existing world.
I wish I could give you more to work on but I was very pleased with it as is. Not even grammar or format changes! Really great work here. Can't wait to read the rest!
Allison, what a creative way to retell these stories! I am loving how you are putting the stories in a modern context, but still keeping some of the original elements. Also, I just watched Star Trek this weekend, so I immediately knew that I was in for a cool story. After reading your introduction, I was very intrigued to read more. I like how you are going to intertwine the stories and bring them together. We are going to get a taste of two stories in one! The overall layout of your storybook is also very appealing. It definitely goes with your space theme, and I especially like the font you have picked for your title "Onboard the Spaceship Pushpaka". It absolutely goes with your space age theme. I am excited to read more.
Oh my goodness Allison. I absolutely love your site!! I am a super nerd when it comes to anything galactic, so as soon as I clicked the link to your site I started to geek out :D I love that you are retelling these stories with a more futuristic vibe. The pictures and backgrounds you are using are outstanding! The Pashu Vishnu Solar system is my favorite picture so far. Your introduction was perfect! It was clear and concise and very entertaining. Your story about Matsya was really cool. I got excited when I saw the name Matsya, because one of my stories in my Kerala storybook is about Matsya and how he created the state of Kerala. I really enjoy the characters of Captain Willoughby and Milo. The font and the color schemes you are using look marvelous! It all flows really great together. I am looking forward to seeing more of your stories!
Hey Allison! Let me just say first off that your storybook is absolutely fantastic! When I was browsing through to find a storybook to comment on I saw your title and instantly knew I had to read your storybook! Let me tell you it didn't disappoint!!
The background and pictures that you have chosen all go so well with your theme! You did a great job picking out the pictures. I love the idea that you have for your storybook! I am actually doing a storybook about the avatars of Vishnu, but mine aren't the animal versions so I am excited to see your stories! The introduction is great! You did a great job telling us exactly what to expect from the upcoming stories. The first story was excellent! I love the character of Captain Willoughby! You did a great job getting into how a grumpy captain would act! I definitely will be coming back to see what your other stories will be! Great job again!!
I think what I like most about the way you tell this story is that it is told through the Captain, and you maintain his own voice through the whole thing. I really feel like an old school, hard-ass Captain is telling me this story in his own unique way.
Beginning and ending the story with the ship's own story gives it such a realistic feel. It brings to life the story-within-a-story. I agree that the picture does a nice job in giving the image of a water-y looking planet.
One thing that doesn't quite make sense to me is that, even though they are going to be stopping at the planet Matsya, the Captain tells the story of the Earth. I understand that the story is told because the protagonist is what the planet Matsya in named after. Maybe if you added more to the beginning of the story. Rather than going with into the story of Matsya and Earth, you could have one of the deck hands ask "What does Matsya mean?" The captain could say "It is named after the famous fish, Matsya". Someone could give shit about a planet being named after a little fish, and then the captain could be all "Oh no, this was no ordinary fish..." and then go into the story. Just a thought! Edits:
"And he was yelling. ‘Help me, Brahmin!..." - the antecedent of "he" is unclear. I know it's supposed to be the fish, but I had to read the sentence a few times before getting that you mean the fish and not Manu.
Hey Allison, I think that your Storybook really draws you in from the very beginning. It really gives a sense of the movie Gravity or Star Trek! I really thought that it was creative to give your story book the sense of being in space. At first your story had me worried whenever you talked about there was going to be a massive flood and everything was going to be wiped out! I think that preparing for a massive flood would have been a lot easier to prepare for if there would have been a heavy duty boat instead of a handmade boat but that made for an even more intriguing story! As I was reading this I was thinking of Noahs ark so when I got to your Author’s note I really had an A-HA moment! I thought this story was really creative and super cute! I cant wait to read more stories from your story book! Good job Allison!
Wow! You have a great imagination. It is a little hard to follow since it is a future story and I haven't researched as much as you have about this topic. However, this is where your author's note comes in great use. You did a great job to explain where you got this idea and it really helped me to understand what was going on. It is interesting that you used the little fish to warn them of a flood that was coming for them. It was great how you split up the paragraphs frequently because it is a long story and that can make it easier on the eye to stay interested. I would pay attention to a few spelling errors, but overall you did a great job on this work. Your storybook is one of the best ones I have seen so far. You can really tell the amount of work you are putting into it. Great job.
Hi Allison, This is my first time visiting your storybook so I will mostly review your whole site. Your cover page looks cool. I really like the text that you chose for your title. It looks so “Hollywood.” The picture that you chose is magnificent. I love space and solar systems, so naturally you have created a soft spot for me. I cannot wait to read your storybook. What I like the most about your cover page is how you included some text in it. Most people just have a picture and a title, but you have a brief paragraph before the introduction which provides even more juicy information about your storybook.
You definnity have the most unique storybook that I have read so far this year. I like how you completely came up with a setting on your one and introduced your characters. Your introduction worked well into your first story “Matsya.” Your first story was pretty good! I don’t have any advice to give you on this particular one. Great job.
Hello Allison, First of all, you have such a cool website. The layout and the font is just so unique and it matches your storybook very well. I love the cover picture and the font you used for your storybook. I actually took a stars class last semester which got me into space and astronomy. It seems like you have a sense of creativity!
The way you set up your introduction was the most unique one ever! It made me feel like I was part of the ship. The use of dialogue made it more alive to the readers. You did an amazing job integrating the space to the Indian epics. I read your story Matsya and you did a good job! The paragraphs were organized and the sentence structure was great! I could not see any grammatical errors and it was really easy for me to follow along the story. Good job!
Wow, this is unlike any storybook I have seen in this course so far! I instantly felt like I was aboard a space shuttle and was in a sci-fi movie. What an awesome way to draw in your readers with such a unique experience! I love that you made it so futuristic in the year 4000+! I love how in the introduction the boy Milo doesn’t know what the excitement about Pashu Vishnu is and everyone freaks out and has to inform him! The way that the storybook transitions from introduction to the first story, Matsya, truly makes it feel like a movie. Going straight into the story about the history of Pashu Vishnu was really great. This could have easily turned into a choppy confusing story but you really did an amazing job of transitioning which is a difficult task to overcome. I am very impressed by your creativity here. Great job!!
Allison, today I am going to be commenting on the Introduction of your storybook project. I think that your website looks great. It is both very easy to read and to navigate. I also love the pictures that you have decided to use, especially, the one on your Introduction page. I do not know if it is intentional, but the font that you have used is something that is similar to a computer when it reboots. It is very cool. Overall, you did a great job on your website. This storybook is so unlike any other storybook project that I have read so far. I think the topic is so interesting and original. I mean many people do not think about Indian culture and space or spaceships. For this reason, I was very surprised but in a good way. I think that you did a great job. I could find no grammatical errors.
Hi Allison! I've never been to your storybook before so I started with the introduction. I really enjoy it so far and I like the layout and organization and font and everything, but I do have one suggestion: it would be nice if at the bottom of your introduction you had a link to your first story like you had a link to your introduction from your cover page. I think so far you have given an amazing amount of detail and been able to lead me along even though I feel as though I don't know very much about the subject matter. Now, on to the first story. I really enjoyed your story, though I would have liked a little more detail on how he somehow managed to trasfer that giant fish, even if you have to make something up! Also some explanation for how humanity was restored if it was just Manu (like did he save his family too?) would be nice. Great job so far, I really like your storybook!
Hello Allison, I am back to your story book and I am excited to read about your next story. Your page is still of my favorite storybooks to visit because of your coverpage. It is so elegant.
I enjoyed the way you introduced this story this time around. You can tell that the crew is extremely tired and hungry from their previous journey the other day, and all they want is for some food. I understand why you would want to introduce the cook to shift focus from Milo to another character. It worked out well in my opinion and he was humorous. Anyways, I enjoyed the story of the Kuma legend. I have never heard of these characters before so it was interesting to read about them. I didn’t know that there was more story to tell about in the end. Thank you for explaining things clearly in your Author’s Note. You did a great job with your story.
Although I have read your storybook previously, I am still amazed at how great of a job you have done here. The narration is on point! I love that I can imagine the storyteller in this because of how you make him talk. I picture an old captian with an accent and maybe an eye patch (but that’s just my imagintion playing with me). Your story flows so great that I don’t want to stop reading! I picture everything so vividly in my head. Your writing is truly phenomenal. I love that you included the story of the great flood. I have read many parts of the bible and this reminds me of the nonstop rain for 40 days and 40 nights with Noah’s ark. Except in this story, they went to a high peak in the Himalaya’s which is fitting since this is an Indian epic story. I love your futuristic picture that you put on here also. Everything in your storybook flow so perfect!!! Keep on keeping on!
Hey Allison! The first thing that came to my mind when I went to your storybook site was “wow”. Right off the bat, I was interested in reading your whole storybook just from the picture you used on the title page. I’m a sucker for anything space related so this definitely caught my attention and got me interested. It’s such a vivid picture! I find the idea of representing Vishnu’s animal avatars with planets to be very cool. You have a great imagination! I really like how you described the captain because I feel like I can picture him so well. The story also flows very well and you incorporated the captain telling the story about the avatars into the storybook very nicely. The organization of your paragraphs and sentences is nice and the layout of your storybook is great because it basically jumps out and you and screams “READ ME”. Overall, great job and I look forward to reading the rest of your storybook!
Hey again Allison! I enjoyed your storybook so much that I decided to check back and see if you had written anymore. Good think I checked back because I really like the story of Kurma and decided to do my extra credit comments on your storybook! I thought the image you selected for this story was basically perfect and it accurately portrayed the planet as you described it in your writing. The story flowed well and the spacing of your paragraphs and sentences was great. I really like the font and background of your storybook page because it fits so well with your theme. You did a really good job in designing your storybook. Once again, your use of dialogue was worked in nicely and it really helps me imagine how the characters speak and act in my own head. Overall, great story and I hope to read more soon!
Hey Allison! I'll start off by commenting on your website itself. The layout is simple, but looks perfect, and even a bit futuristic which is perfect for your theme! The font you used for the website title looks great and your picture on the cover page is AWESOME! I decided to look at your first story Matsya because a planet covered in water seems pretty interesting! I really like how you made the captain of the Pushpaka sound like a pretty rough guy by how he talked, but he still did an incredible job telling the story about Vishnu's avatar Matsya. The story flowed very well, and I didn't notice any mistakes! You did an excellent job with dialogue, and this story was so interesting. I didn't know much about Vishnu's avatars, so this was really cool to read. Just like you mentioned in your author's note, it definitely reminded me of Noah's ark. That's pretty cool!
Hello Allison! I absolutely love the layout of your website. It's very simple but fits the theme of your storybook very well, very futuristic. You chose the perfect font style for the whole website. It has a very digital, futuristic element to it. I LOVE the images as well. I spent good half a minute staring at the images. So cool! I did not notice any grammatical or spelling errors in the first story. The overall flow of the story is very smooth. The dialogues are very well composed and they represent the characters' personality very accurately. Great work!
Hello again, Allison! I just read your second story, Kurma, and it was so fascinating! First of all, I really love the picture that you chose for this story. The floating island reminded me of the ones in the movie Avatar. This makes me want to go watch the movie again to find any similarities between that and what we’ve learned about the different avatars of gods in the epics. Adding the character of the cook was great because his comments were pretty funny like “Mother of Vishnu!” Like I said before in my previous comment on your project, I love your site so much. It’s so cool and every time I come to it I instantly geek out! I’ll have to check out your third story, Varaha, soon sometime. Overall, great job! Hope your semester has been well and good luck on finals.
Hey Jess! I really like reading your portfolio! You are really creative and all the stories are so interesting! I think my favorite one is "The Dinner Party" I liked how you did it in the Moon's perspective and you really emphasized the competition between the siblings! I thought that was clever because I remember when my brother and I would always compete each other to see who's the best child in the family. I also liked your story with the Halloween Mystery! I liked how you draw the attention between Rama and Vibushana! I thought that was clever. You put a lot of details in your story. I also liked how you changed your font in the author's note to distinguish the difference. The way you structured your story was nice too! Overall, I think you did a great job! I don't think I spot any grammar issues.. You kept everything pretty consistent and polished. Keep up the good work!
This is such an epic idea! I would have never made the connection to outer space, but you went above and beyond! First off, I would like to say that your font is perfect, very “space-y” and futuristic. Nice touch. What I liked most about your introduction was that it was literally part of your story. You did not just say “I am going to talk about this, blah, blah, blah,” but you made it an integral part of your story. You have amazing flow from paragraph to paragraph. I did not get mixed up at all by weird wording or anything (except maybe some of the names, but that’s to be expected). The transition from your introduction to your first story was perfect. The ellipses worked very well there and bound your story together in an interesting way. What I liked about your first story was how descriptive it was. You did an excellent job!
I am so excited that I am getting to read your storybook again! I mean I was going to anyway, but now I have an excuse to do so. I just absolutely love this idea! It is just so incredibly unique and unusual, and that is what makes it so incredible. Your excellent writing doesn’t hurt its amazing-ness either.
The first story that I read today was Kurma. In the first sentence did you mean to say “their long day” instead? Talking about “a” long day just sounds a little random, like it could be about something that happened a week, month, or year ago rather than something current.
I loved your use of descriptive words. It was not just Milo, but exhausted Milo. That spoke volumes to me. The clothespin to the nose was a very nice touch! It had me cracking up! I think what I like most about your storybook is that you created this character, Milo, to facilitate the storytelling. Being able to see Milo’s progress from story to story was something I very much enjoyed. He is an excellent focal point for readers to relate to. At one point or another, everyone has been the “new kid.” Making Milo go through similar phases gave your story a more realistic element and definitely made me feel more connected to it. Great job!
I feel as though most storybooks just go from one story to the next, but you’ve kind of created an entire story all together that is centered around the storytelling’s. It is as if the storytelling’s are just an accent to this entire scenario that you have created, and I think that is what makes your storybook so excellent.
This storybook is so great! It's been a few weeks since I've gotten to look at it, and I'm still blown away by how cool it is. The homepage picture is such an incredible representation of your storybook, and the layout looks great Tthis time I looked at the story Kurma. The first thing I noticed was the image you chose! It's such a cool picture, and I really don't know how you managed to find such great pictures for your space themed storybook. My favorite part of this story is how you set such a powerful atmosphere of a space ship. It feels rugged, and a little crude which fits perfectly with the characters. The story captain Willoughby tells about Kurma was perfectly told, especially with the joke he added in about the chefs cooking. The story about the churning of the ocean was in the Mahabharata I believe, and was very interesting! It's so awesome how you linked that to an entire planet in your awesome solar system! Awesome job!!!
Wow your home page for your storybook is amazing. The font, the color, the picture, and the general layout really stands alone from all the other storybooks I have seen. Your introduction really sets out for a unique version of this story. I think it was a great idea to change Rama’s chariot that he used to get home into a space ship. It is great way to completely update the story. The picture you chose was also extremely complimentary to your page. Finding things on pixbay is always hit and miss but you did a great job finding this picture. It really ties your homepage and introduction page together quite well. I didn’t notice and errors as far as gram went. This seems like an extremely polished beginning to the story. I think overall you have set the stage with your introduction for the reader to completely buy into your storybook and the world you create in it. Good Job
What a fun storybook! I thought the concept and theme of your blog was really fun and unique. I haven’t seen anybody base their stories off of space or use that as a theme so I thought that was cool that you decided to go this route. It looks like you put a lot of work into your blog and it definitely showed. Even the font you used looks very extraterrestrial. All the little elements of your site really come together to make it fit your overall theme for the blog. I also thought the images you chose for all of your stories were really cool as well and kind of out of this world. Anyways, great job with your blog and congrats on being nominated and winning for one of the best storybooks in your class! Your effort really showed and your blog turned out really great!
I really enjoyed reading your storybook. The theme of your storybook was very interesting. Your layout is also especially interesting and makes your website very easy to navigate. You can tell that you have spent a lot of time working on your storybook and there is no doubt that is why you are one of the class favorites. Great work! The entire thing is just very well refined and shows your great creativity.It really makes me reconsider my choice of portfolio verses storybook when I see a some of these great storybooks that you all have works so brilliantly on.
Hello Allison. Your introduction was pretty awesome! It is so cool that the space ship can be steered by the power of brainwaves. I think you set the stage so well in your introduction for what is to come. The captain sounds hilarious. I like that he grabbed a cookie to eat while he was about to tell them a tale. I read the Matsya story first. The fish story is so interesting. It is really cool that it is growing so fast. The captain threatens to throw them outside the vessel if they don’t follow orders. That was too funny! The great flood would have been so much easier if the sage had Puspaka. That was a great idea, I would not have even thought about that. Three cheers for Vishnu indeed! I love how you portrayed the captin of the ship. He’s too funny. You did a great job on this story. It’s no wonder you’re on the list for one of the top storybooks.
Well, of course I waited until the last minute to get my last few points for this class. I am so glad that I got to look at your Storybook for this class. I have not seen it before, but it is awesome! I can tell that you took a lot of time planning it and setting up your story. I like that you took the chariot Pushpaka and turned it into a chariot that flies with brainwaves.
You also did a good job of show the different personalities. I think my favorite character was the captain because he loved to tell stories. I thought it was cute how in your introduction he sits down with a cookie to tell a story.
I think you did an amazing job with this story. It was completely creative! Really everything that you wrote were your own ideas, which is something that I found really hard to do but you were very successful. I’m glad you wrote this story! It was fantastic!
Nice job on making the favorite writings! You’re so awesome : ) I was even reading Parth’s famous last words and he mentioned your storybook in it (at the time he didn’t say your name, but I connected the dots).
So, naturally as I began to read I found your theme amazing (nice font too…fits really well). As a fellow engineer I obviously liked the theme and the references (Willoughby)!
I decided to read Matsya since it was next in line after the introduction. Wow! What a wonderful job storytelling about a storyteller! You got me fixated on the story Captain Willoughby was telling, but remembered to draw the audience back to the original story by tying the two together (Willoughby threatening to throw the crew members off if they disobey orders).
I also thought this sounded just like Noah’s ark while I was reading your story. The only thing I was confused on was where you snagged the original story from. You said it was the story of Matsya, but maybe if you had a little more added to the summary of the original it would help (it could be just me being confused though).
Wow, your homepage for your storybook looks awesome. The pictures and all the different colors you chose really work well together. So, from the beginning you grabbed my interest and made me eager to read your stories.
Your theme reminds me of Star Trek at some times, and at other times I think about Star Wars. Overall, I think this is a unique and clever idea to centralize a project around. I read your introduction and I am impressed. You give so much detail in your writing and set the scene well. I can tell that you really spent a lot of time thinking through your setting.
I also read your first story, Matsya. I thought your sentences flowed well and your paragraphs were organized nicely. I liked that you included a lot of dialogue in the story because it helped me get to know the characters better.
Hi, Allison! The moment I read the title of your storybook, I knew I would love it (huge Star Trek fan, here)!
ReplyDeleteYour introduction is very well-written, and it drew me in immediately. The pacing and the prose really adds dimension to the story and kept me wanting more. I’m really impressed by how so much is told with so few words, especially with the characters. Even though not much is revealed about them, the reader is able to get a glimpse of what Captain Willoughby and Milo’s personalities are in the way they talk and in the way other characters interact with them.
The layout of your site is perfect for the theme of your storybook. The font and colors work great to add to the tone and futuristic elements. The images you used are also very beautiful and add to the otherworldly atmosphere of the storybook. I’m really looking forward to seeing what other images you’ll use.
Comments for Storybook, Introduction -
ReplyDeleteI immediately looked at the picture before reading. I love those kinds of images - very beautiful! The picture itself sets up the scene before even reading a word. That kind of image really gets the reader's mind going and put into a certain mindset of excitement and adventure.
And wow, your Introduction did not disappoint! Seriously, I would not change a thing. You give a clear, concise, and interesting background. You give characters that are useful in giving a frame of reference but aren't so important that we have to be involved with them. I appreciate that you clearly lay out what the ship does, how it works, why it is the way that it is. Often times in Sci-Fi works, it can be difficult to follow if you're not familiar with the already existing world.
I wish I could give you more to work on but I was very pleased with it as is. Not even grammar or format changes! Really great work here. Can't wait to read the rest!
Allison, what a creative way to retell these stories! I am loving how you are putting the stories in a modern context, but still keeping some of the original elements. Also, I just watched Star Trek this weekend, so I immediately knew that I was in for a cool story. After reading your introduction, I was very intrigued to read more. I like how you are going to intertwine the stories and bring them together. We are going to get a taste of two stories in one! The overall layout of your storybook is also very appealing. It definitely goes with your space theme, and I especially like the font you have picked for your title "Onboard the Spaceship Pushpaka". It absolutely goes with your space age theme. I am excited to read more.
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness Allison. I absolutely love your site!! I am a super nerd when it comes to anything galactic, so as soon as I clicked the link to your site I started to geek out :D I love that you are retelling these stories with a more futuristic vibe. The pictures and backgrounds you are using are outstanding! The Pashu Vishnu Solar system is my favorite picture so far. Your introduction was perfect! It was clear and concise and very entertaining. Your story about Matsya was really cool. I got excited when I saw the name Matsya, because one of my stories in my Kerala storybook is about Matsya and how he created the state of Kerala. I really enjoy the characters of Captain Willoughby and Milo. The font and the color schemes you are using look marvelous! It all flows really great together. I am looking forward to seeing more of your stories!
ReplyDeleteHey Allison! Let me just say first off that your storybook is absolutely fantastic! When I was browsing through to find a storybook to comment on I saw your title and instantly knew I had to read your storybook! Let me tell you it didn't disappoint!!
ReplyDeleteThe background and pictures that you have chosen all go so well with your theme! You did a great job picking out the pictures. I love the idea that you have for your storybook! I am actually doing a storybook about the avatars of Vishnu, but mine aren't the animal versions so I am excited to see your stories! The introduction is great! You did a great job telling us exactly what to expect from the upcoming stories. The first story was excellent! I love the character of Captain Willoughby! You did a great job getting into how a grumpy captain would act! I definitely will be coming back to see what your other stories will be! Great job again!!
Comments for Storybook, Matsya -
ReplyDeleteI think what I like most about the way you tell this story is that it is told through the Captain, and you maintain his own voice through the whole thing. I really feel like an old school, hard-ass Captain is telling me this story in his own unique way.
Beginning and ending the story with the ship's own story gives it such a realistic feel. It brings to life the story-within-a-story. I agree that the picture does a nice job in giving the image of a water-y looking planet.
One thing that doesn't quite make sense to me is that, even though they are going to be stopping at the planet Matsya, the Captain tells the story of the Earth. I understand that the story is told because the protagonist is what the planet Matsya in named after. Maybe if you added more to the beginning of the story. Rather than going with into the story of Matsya and Earth, you could have one of the deck hands ask "What does Matsya mean?" The captain could say "It is named after the famous fish, Matsya". Someone could give shit about a planet being named after a little fish, and then the captain could be all "Oh no, this was no ordinary fish..." and then go into the story. Just a thought!
Edits:
"And he was yelling. ‘Help me, Brahmin!..." - the antecedent of "he" is unclear. I know it's supposed to be the fish, but I had to read the sentence a few times before getting that you mean the fish and not Manu.
Hey Allison,
ReplyDeleteI think that your Storybook really draws you in from the very beginning. It really gives a sense of the movie Gravity or Star Trek! I really thought that it was creative to give your story book the sense of being in space. At first your story had me worried whenever you talked about there was going to be a massive flood and everything was going to be wiped out! I think that preparing for a massive flood would have been a lot easier to prepare for if there would have been a heavy duty boat instead of a handmade boat but that made for an even more intriguing story! As I was reading this I was thinking of Noahs ark so when I got to your Author’s note I really had an A-HA moment! I thought this story was really creative and super cute! I cant wait to read more stories from your story book! Good job Allison!
Wow! You have a great imagination. It is a little hard to follow since it is a future story and I haven't researched as much as you have about this topic. However, this is where your author's note comes in great use. You did a great job to explain where you got this idea and it really helped me to understand what was going on. It is interesting that you used the little fish to warn them of a flood that was coming for them. It was great how you split up the paragraphs frequently because it is a long story and that can make it easier on the eye to stay interested. I would pay attention to a few spelling errors, but overall you did a great job on this work. Your storybook is one of the best ones I have seen so far. You can really tell the amount of work you are putting into it. Great job.
ReplyDeleteHi Allison,
ReplyDeleteThis is my first time visiting your storybook so I will mostly review your whole site. Your cover page looks cool. I really like the text that you chose for your title. It looks so “Hollywood.” The picture that you chose is magnificent. I love space and solar systems, so naturally you have created a soft spot for me. I cannot wait to read your storybook. What I like the most about your cover page is how you included some text in it. Most people just have a picture and a title, but you have a brief paragraph before the introduction which provides even more juicy information about your storybook.
You definnity have the most unique storybook that I have read so far this year. I like how you completely came up with a setting on your one and introduced your characters. Your introduction worked well into your first story “Matsya.” Your first story was pretty good! I don’t have any advice to give you on this particular one. Great job.
Hello Allison,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, you have such a cool website. The layout and the font is just so unique and it matches your storybook very well. I love the cover picture and the font you used for your storybook. I actually took a stars class last semester which got me into space and astronomy. It seems like you have a sense of creativity!
The way you set up your introduction was the most unique one ever! It made me feel like I was part of the ship. The use of dialogue made it more alive to the readers. You did an amazing job integrating the space to the Indian epics. I read your story Matsya and you did a good job! The paragraphs were organized and the sentence structure was great! I could not see any grammatical errors and it was really easy for me to follow along the story. Good job!
Wow, this is unlike any storybook I have seen in this course so far! I instantly felt like I was aboard a space shuttle and was in a sci-fi movie. What an awesome way to draw in your readers with such a unique experience! I love that you made it so futuristic in the year 4000+! I love how in the introduction the boy Milo doesn’t know what the excitement about Pashu Vishnu is and everyone freaks out and has to inform him! The way that the storybook transitions from introduction to the first story, Matsya, truly makes it feel like a movie. Going straight into the story about the history of Pashu Vishnu was really great. This could have easily turned into a choppy confusing story but you really did an amazing job of transitioning which is a difficult task to overcome. I am very impressed by your creativity here. Great job!!
ReplyDeleteAllison, today I am going to be commenting on the Introduction of your storybook project. I think that your website looks great. It is both very easy to read and to navigate. I also love the pictures that you have decided to use, especially, the one on your Introduction page. I do not know if it is intentional, but the font that you have used is something that is similar to a computer when it reboots. It is very cool. Overall, you did a great job on your website. This storybook is so unlike any other storybook project that I have read so far. I think the topic is so interesting and original. I mean many people do not think about Indian culture and space or spaceships. For this reason, I was very surprised but in a good way. I think that you did a great job. I could find no grammatical errors.
ReplyDeleteHi Allison! I've never been to your storybook before so I started with the introduction. I really enjoy it so far and I like the layout and organization and font and everything, but I do have one suggestion: it would be nice if at the bottom of your introduction you had a link to your first story like you had a link to your introduction from your cover page. I think so far you have given an amazing amount of detail and been able to lead me along even though I feel as though I don't know very much about the subject matter. Now, on to the first story. I really enjoyed your story, though I would have liked a little more detail on how he somehow managed to trasfer that giant fish, even if you have to make something up! Also some explanation for how humanity was restored if it was just Manu (like did he save his family too?) would be nice. Great job so far, I really like your storybook!
ReplyDeleteHello Allison, I am back to your story book and I am excited to read about your next story. Your page is still of my favorite storybooks to visit because of your coverpage. It is so elegant.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the way you introduced this story this time around. You can tell that the crew is extremely tired and hungry from their previous journey the other day, and all they want is for some food. I understand why you would want to introduce the cook to shift focus from Milo to another character. It worked out well in my opinion and he was humorous. Anyways, I enjoyed the story of the Kuma legend. I have never heard of these characters before so it was interesting to read about them. I didn’t know that there was more story to tell about in the end. Thank you for explaining things clearly in your Author’s Note. You did a great job with your story.
Although I have read your storybook previously, I am still amazed at how great of a job you have done here. The narration is on point! I love that I can imagine the storyteller in this because of how you make him talk. I picture an old captian with an accent and maybe an eye patch (but that’s just my imagintion playing with me). Your story flows so great that I don’t want to stop reading! I picture everything so vividly in my head. Your writing is truly phenomenal. I love that you included the story of the great flood. I have read many parts of the bible and this reminds me of the nonstop rain for 40 days and 40 nights with Noah’s ark. Except in this story, they went to a high peak in the Himalaya’s which is fitting since this is an Indian epic story. I love your futuristic picture that you put on here also. Everything in your storybook flow so perfect!!! Keep on keeping on!
ReplyDeleteHey Allison! The first thing that came to my mind when I went to your storybook site was “wow”. Right off the bat, I was interested in reading your whole storybook just from the picture you used on the title page. I’m a sucker for anything space related so this definitely caught my attention and got me interested. It’s such a vivid picture!
ReplyDeleteI find the idea of representing Vishnu’s animal avatars with planets to be very cool. You have a great imagination! I really like how you described the captain because I feel like I can picture him so well. The story also flows very well and you incorporated the captain telling the story about the avatars into the storybook very nicely. The organization of your paragraphs and sentences is nice and the layout of your storybook is great because it basically jumps out and you and screams “READ ME”.
Overall, great job and I look forward to reading the rest of your storybook!
Hey again Allison!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your storybook so much that I decided to check back and see if you had written anymore. Good think I checked back because I really like the story of Kurma and decided to do my extra credit comments on your storybook! I thought the image you selected for this story was basically perfect and it accurately portrayed the planet as you described it in your writing. The story flowed well and the spacing of your paragraphs and sentences was great. I really like the font and background of your storybook page because it fits so well with your theme. You did a really good job in designing your storybook. Once again, your use of dialogue was worked in nicely and it really helps me imagine how the characters speak and act in my own head. Overall, great story and I hope to read more soon!
Hey Allison! I'll start off by commenting on your website itself. The layout is simple, but looks perfect, and even a bit futuristic which is perfect for your theme! The font you used for the website title looks great and your picture on the cover page is AWESOME!
ReplyDeleteI decided to look at your first story Matsya because a planet covered in water seems pretty interesting! I really like how you made the captain of the Pushpaka sound like a pretty rough guy by how he talked, but he still did an incredible job telling the story about Vishnu's avatar Matsya. The story flowed very well, and I didn't notice any mistakes! You did an excellent job with dialogue, and this story was so interesting. I didn't know much about Vishnu's avatars, so this was really cool to read. Just like you mentioned in your author's note, it definitely reminded me of Noah's ark. That's pretty cool!
Hello Allison!
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love the layout of your website. It's very simple but fits the theme of your storybook very well, very futuristic. You chose the perfect font style for the whole website. It has a very digital, futuristic element to it. I LOVE the images as well. I spent good half a minute staring at the images. So cool!
I did not notice any grammatical or spelling errors in the first story. The overall flow of the story is very smooth. The dialogues are very well composed and they represent the characters' personality very accurately. Great work!
Hello again, Allison! I just read your second story, Kurma, and it was so fascinating! First of all, I really love the picture that you chose for this story. The floating island reminded me of the ones in the movie Avatar. This makes me want to go watch the movie again to find any similarities between that and what we’ve learned about the different avatars of gods in the epics. Adding the character of the cook was great because his comments were pretty funny like “Mother of Vishnu!” Like I said before in my previous comment on your project, I love your site so much. It’s so cool and every time I come to it I instantly geek out! I’ll have to check out your third story, Varaha, soon sometime. Overall, great job! Hope your semester has been well and good luck on finals.
ReplyDeleteHey Jess! I really like reading your portfolio! You are really creative and all the stories are so interesting! I think my favorite one is "The Dinner Party" I liked how you did it in the Moon's perspective and you really emphasized the competition between the siblings! I thought that was clever because I remember when my brother and I would always compete each other to see who's the best child in the family. I also liked your story with the Halloween Mystery! I liked how you draw the attention between Rama and Vibushana! I thought that was clever. You put a lot of details in your story. I also liked how you changed your font in the author's note to distinguish the difference. The way you structured your story was nice too! Overall, I think you did a great job! I don't think I spot any grammar issues.. You kept everything pretty consistent and polished. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHey Allison,
ReplyDeleteThis is such an epic idea! I would have never made the connection to outer space, but you went above and beyond! First off, I would like to say that your font is perfect, very “space-y” and futuristic. Nice touch. What I liked most about your introduction was that it was literally part of your story. You did not just say “I am going to talk about this, blah, blah, blah,” but you made it an integral part of your story. You have amazing flow from paragraph to paragraph. I did not get mixed up at all by weird wording or anything (except maybe some of the names, but that’s to be expected). The transition from your introduction to your first story was perfect. The ellipses worked very well there and bound your story together in an interesting way. What I liked about your first story was how descriptive it was. You did an excellent job!
Hey Allison,
ReplyDeleteI am so excited that I am getting to read your storybook again! I mean I was going to anyway, but now I have an excuse to do so. I just absolutely love this idea! It is just so incredibly unique and unusual, and that is what makes it so incredible. Your excellent writing doesn’t hurt its amazing-ness either.
The first story that I read today was Kurma. In the first sentence did you mean to say “their long day” instead? Talking about “a” long day just sounds a little random, like it could be about something that happened a week, month, or year ago rather than something current.
I loved your use of descriptive words. It was not just Milo, but exhausted Milo. That spoke volumes to me. The clothespin to the nose was a very nice touch! It had me cracking up! I think what I like most about your storybook is that you created this character, Milo, to facilitate the storytelling. Being able to see Milo’s progress from story to story was something I very much enjoyed. He is an excellent focal point for readers to relate to. At one point or another, everyone has been the “new kid.” Making Milo go through similar phases gave your story a more realistic element and definitely made me feel more connected to it. Great job!
I feel as though most storybooks just go from one story to the next, but you’ve kind of created an entire story all together that is centered around the storytelling’s. It is as if the storytelling’s are just an accent to this entire scenario that you have created, and I think that is what makes your storybook so excellent.
Hey Allison,
ReplyDeleteThis storybook is so great! It's been a few weeks since I've gotten to look at it, and I'm still blown away by how cool it is. The homepage picture is such an incredible representation of your storybook, and the layout looks great
Tthis time I looked at the story Kurma. The first thing I noticed was the image you chose! It's such a cool picture, and I really don't know how you managed to find such great pictures for your space themed storybook. My favorite part of this story is how you set such a powerful atmosphere of a space ship. It feels rugged, and a little crude which fits perfectly with the characters. The story captain Willoughby tells about Kurma was perfectly told, especially with the joke he added in about the chefs cooking. The story about the churning of the ocean was in the Mahabharata I believe, and was very interesting! It's so awesome how you linked that to an entire planet in your awesome solar system! Awesome job!!!
Wow your home page for your storybook is amazing. The font, the color, the picture, and the general layout really stands alone from all the other storybooks I have seen. Your introduction really sets out for a unique version of this story. I think it was a great idea to change Rama’s chariot that he used to get home into a space ship. It is great way to completely update the story. The picture you chose was also extremely complimentary to your page. Finding things on pixbay is always hit and miss but you did a great job finding this picture. It really ties your homepage and introduction page together quite well. I didn’t notice and errors as far as gram went. This seems like an extremely polished beginning to the story. I think overall you have set the stage with your introduction for the reader to completely buy into your storybook and the world you create in it. Good Job
ReplyDeleteWhat a fun storybook! I thought the concept and theme of your blog was really fun and unique. I haven’t seen anybody base their stories off of space or use that as a theme so I thought that was cool that you decided to go this route. It looks like you put a lot of work into your blog and it definitely showed. Even the font you used looks very extraterrestrial. All the little elements of your site really come together to make it fit your overall theme for the blog. I also thought the images you chose for all of your stories were really cool as well and kind of out of this world. Anyways, great job with your blog and congrats on being nominated and winning for one of the best storybooks in your class! Your effort really showed and your blog turned out really great!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your storybook. The theme of your storybook was very interesting. Your layout is also especially interesting and makes your website very easy to navigate. You can tell that you have spent a lot of time working on your storybook and there is no doubt that is why you are one of the class favorites. Great work! The entire thing is just very well refined and shows your great creativity.It really makes me reconsider my choice of portfolio verses storybook when I see a some of these great storybooks that you all have works so brilliantly on.
ReplyDeleteHello Allison. Your introduction was pretty awesome! It is so cool that the space ship can be steered by the power of brainwaves. I think you set the stage so well in your introduction for what is to come. The captain sounds hilarious. I like that he grabbed a cookie to eat while he was about to tell them a tale. I read the Matsya story first. The fish story is so interesting. It is really cool that it is growing so fast. The captain threatens to throw them outside the vessel if they don’t follow orders. That was too funny! The great flood would have been so much easier if the sage had Puspaka. That was a great idea, I would not have even thought about that. Three cheers for Vishnu indeed! I love how you portrayed the captin of the ship. He’s too funny. You did a great job on this story. It’s no wonder you’re on the list for one of the top storybooks.
ReplyDeleteWell, of course I waited until the last minute to get my last few points for this class. I am so glad that I got to look at your Storybook for this class. I have not seen it before, but it is awesome! I can tell that you took a lot of time planning it and setting up your story. I like that you took the chariot Pushpaka and turned it into a chariot that flies with brainwaves.
ReplyDeleteYou also did a good job of show the different personalities. I think my favorite character was the captain because he loved to tell stories. I thought it was cute how in your introduction he sits down with a cookie to tell a story.
I think you did an amazing job with this story. It was completely creative! Really everything that you wrote were your own ideas, which is something that I found really hard to do but you were very successful. I’m glad you wrote this story! It was fantastic!
Allison,
ReplyDeleteNice job on making the favorite writings! You’re so awesome : ) I was even reading Parth’s famous last words and he mentioned your storybook in it (at the time he didn’t say your name, but I connected the dots).
So, naturally as I began to read I found your theme amazing (nice font too…fits really well). As a fellow engineer I obviously liked the theme and the references (Willoughby)!
I decided to read Matsya since it was next in line after the introduction. Wow! What a wonderful job storytelling about a storyteller! You got me fixated on the story Captain Willoughby was telling, but remembered to draw the audience back to the original story by tying the two together (Willoughby threatening to throw the crew members off if they disobey orders).
I also thought this sounded just like Noah’s ark while I was reading your story. The only thing I was confused on was where you snagged the original story from. You said it was the story of Matsya, but maybe if you had a little more added to the summary of the original it would help (it could be just me being confused though).
Hey Allison!
ReplyDeleteWow, your homepage for your storybook looks awesome. The pictures and all the different colors you chose really work well together. So, from the beginning you grabbed my interest and made me eager to read your stories.
Your theme reminds me of Star Trek at some times, and at other times I think about Star Wars. Overall, I think this is a unique and clever idea to centralize a project around. I read your introduction and I am impressed. You give so much detail in your writing and set the scene well. I can tell that you really spent a lot of time thinking through your setting.
I also read your first story, Matsya. I thought your sentences flowed well and your paragraphs were organized nicely. I liked that you included a lot of dialogue in the story because it helped me get to know the characters better.
Great job on your project! Have a great summer!