Their very favorite thing was to fly. They spent much of every day soaring through the skies, chasing clouds, chasing each other, laughing, and screaming. There were times throughout the day when Aruna, charioteer to the sun god, could almost expect to delight in the sound of his sons’ games as they whirled by not far below. But this, Aruna’s delight, was the sun god’s irritation. He’d grown tired of their noise when he had to concentrate on focusing his rays literally all day. “Could you tell those chickens to keep it down, PLEASE?” he would say to Aruna. Or, “You should send them out to play at night… in the dark… alone, like other eagle fathers.” But Aruna understood these to be jokes, so he gave the boys lighthearted warnings, and the sun god’s agitation only continued.
One day, young Sampathi and Jatayu were perched together on a tree far removed from the village, serious and somber as those two ever were. They had just been fully informed that one of them would be chosen to be tribe leader when they were to come of age. The news made the two of them uncomfortable, and they were not quite sure what to say to each other.
Finally, Sampathi spoke up. “Jatayu, let’s play a game like always.”
Jatayu was only too eager to act on his brother’s suggestion, hoping it would dissolve the discomfort. “What kind of game did you have in mind, brother?”
Sampathi thought for a moment and said, “Let’s see who can fly the highest.”
Both brothers knew their father had always warned them to be careful and to never fly too close to the sun god. But Jatayu didn’t want his brother to seem braver than him. Bravery is an important quality for a tribe leader. So he readily agreed and took off for the stars. Sampathi quickly followed, and before they knew it, they were higher in the sky than they had ever been. Growing uneasy, Jatayu shot his brother a glance to see if he was slowing. Sampathi did the same, and since neither brother showed signs of yielding, neither did. Sampathi noticed he was falling behind, so he began to taunt Jatayu, and Jatayu taunted back until the sound of eagles’ caws filled the sky. The sun god heard the clamor, and he was enraged to see how close this clash was taking place. Now at the very boundary of his patience, the sun god unleashed his blazing energy on the nearest brother.
Sampathi watched as the sun god directed his beams at Jatayu. He felt a sudden sense of shame for jeering his brother to try to get ahead and for suggesting the game in the first place. In a panic, he flew in front of Jatayu and spread his wings, taking the heat of the sun god’s strike.
Sampathi, feathers burnt to ash, went crashing down to earth. He woke up on a mountain, a charred heap of bird bones. He remained on that mountain, broken and unable to fly, for many, many years until he heard the name of Rama spoken aloud. Jatayu went on to become the tribe leader and a good friend of Dasharatha, Rama’s father, as well as a good friend of Rama himself. But as a consequence of their constant need to compete, Sampathi and Jatayu never saw each other again.
(Jatayu with Rama) |
Author’s Note: I chose to elaborate on Sampathi’s story about him and Jatayu because it reminded me of the story of Icarus flying too close to the sun. My roommate and I joke when we get excited about homework solutions that turn out to be wrong that we flew too close to the sun, so I wanted to write about that this week. I didn’t make a lot of changes from Sampathi’s story; I just wanted to expand it from a simple explanation of his deformity to a more emotional tale about competitive brothers.
Bibliography: Narayan, R.K. (1972). The Ramayana.
Hi Allison! I definitely was reminded of similarities between Sampathi and Icarus when reading the Ramayana too, so I think it's cool that you wanted to base your story off those similarities. I loved how you played up the brotherly relationship between Sampathi and Jatayu. Especially all of their brotherly competitions like who had the fluffiest feathers and who ate their morning worm fastest. Great story and I'm glad I got to read something that elaborated on the eagles!!
ReplyDeleteCould the reason for you choosing this epic having anything to do with your childhood and twin brother? You didn’t mention it in the author’s note but I still have suspicions. Overall, the story was a great read. I spotted a few grammatical errors – nothing big. I did appreciate how you were able to tie in their ambitions to one day rule and the ‘test of bravery’ that all siblings can attest to.
ReplyDeleteI would suggest that in your first sentence it read: "now glorious birds of legend and once friends of Rama" rather than saying that they are "now glorious birds of legend and friends of Rama" to avoid confusion since Jatayu died and his association with Rama should be past tense. I would also suggest in your next sentence that you don't repeat "they enjoyed" but rather just say "they enjoyed nothing more than friendly competition." In the seventh paragraph, I would suggest that you not start your sentence with the word "but" as I was always taught that that is not proper. Rather, you could say, "fly too close to the sun god; however, Jatayu..." Also, in the next sentence, you switch tenses again to the present tense when you had been speaking in the past tense, "Bravery was an important quality for a tribe leader." That whole sentence would look better if it was part of the other sentence like this: "Jatayu didn’t want his brother to seem braver than him - bravery was an important quality for a tribe leader - so he readily agreed and took off for the stars."
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your storytelling post for this week. When I was going through trying to find someone’s post to comment on I saw the title of yours and it really made me want to read it! I think that is important for a story to have an interesting title that draws attention. I also like the amount of detail you used in your story, for example when describing the kinds of games/competitions the two birds had. One suggestion I have for you is to maybe make your paragraphs smaller. I think it is easier to read when they are spread out a little more. You did a good job with spreading out your dialogue, so maybe if you did that in the bigger paragraphs it would make it feel more like the fun and light reading that it is. I liked your choice of story, this story interested me when I was reading the book, so I am glad that you took it and made it your post for the week.
ReplyDeleteAllison,
ReplyDeleteI almost wrote about the eagles just because I see them as majestic creatures and Garuda caught my attention. I am glad you wrote about them because you did a great job! Your story was very creative and had a ton of imagery. I was able to capture the competitive nature of the brothers well. Your format was great; no flaws and the link to your picture functioned.
I am having a hard time coming up with suggestions for your story. I feel as if you set the story well, portrayed each character’s personality, and transitioned between paragraphs smoothly. If I had to pick something, I would say I had to reread the part about the sun god and Aruna. I was confused at first thinking that Aruna was the sun god, but when I reread it I saw he was the charioteer. This is probably just me misreading, but it was confusing for me.
I really liked your story! Good job.